2020 was
IN OVERTIME
Song by the glorious madreindeer
THE BEGINNING
January
-
More than 20% of Australia’s forest is lost to forest fires, killing billions of animals.
-
World War III is barely averted by Iranian good will after Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump assassinates high-level Iranian General Qasem Soleimani by inviting him to a diplomatic meeting in Iraq.
-
Africa is plagued by historically unprecedented locust swarms.
-
Military Base where Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump ordered assassination of Qasem Soleimani destroyed by rockets from Iran in retaliation for the assassination. U.S. Military given forewarning, evacuate successfully.
February
-
The UK officially begins official start of withdrawal from European Union.
-
Earth breaks all-time records as Antarctic continent heats to 18.3 °C (64.9 °F).
-
Iceberg the size of Atlanta, Georgia breaks off Pine Island Glacier in Antarctica.
-
Anti-Muslim riots erupt in New Delhi, India, leaving dozens dead.
-
Baboons on the way to neutering escape their transport and peacefully rampage through Sydney.
-
Li Wenliang, the Chinese doctor who first raised the alarm about a mysterious epidemic against the command of the Chinese Communist Party, dies of COVID-19.
March
-
COVID-19 is declared a global pandemic. Hundreds of thousands die.
-
Breonna Taylor is murdered by plainclothes police officers in her own home.
-
The 2020 Tokyo Olympics are postponed due to COVID-19.
-
The entire world runs out of toilet paper due to panic buying.
-
Global public air traffic comes to a halt, as does international travel.
April
-
Chinese Communist Party, a despotic regime well reviled for its numerous and extended human rights atrocities, joins United Nations Human Rights panel.
-
Mecca sits eerily empty, despite Ramadan.
-
The Pentagon releases UFO footage.
-
White people in the United States riot to get haircuts.
-
A wildfire in the forests around Chernobyl causes fallout radiation in the local area to spike 20-fold.
May
-
Asian Giant Hornets, or “Murder Hornets”, wasps from Asia the size of an entire finger and known as one of the most venomous, intimidating insects in the world, discovered in Washington State.
-
Eurovision Song Contest is cancelled.
-
r/worldpolitics subreddit moderation controversy reaches peak. Users spam bannable content in response to moderators not removing upvote-seeking posts on the most prominent World Politics subreddit. Moderators bail, and r/anime_titties is created as the new World Politics subreddit.
-
Those locusts from before now sweep India and Pakistan.
-
In the United States, the murder of George Floyd by police sparks global protests against police brutality.
-
Praying Mantises mount a defense of the U.S. against the Murder Hornets.
-
U.S. Navy declassifies pilot footage which provides confirmation of the existence of Unidentified Flying Objects.
-
Monkey in India steals COVID-19 blood samples from lab technician.
June
-
After being struck by lightning, a landmark Cottonwood tree in Lakeside Cemetary, Stockbridge, Georgia, US, burns from the inside out and resists all attempts at dousing.
-
Starving rats in New York, US turn to cannibalism and begin to act aggressively towards humans as COVID-19 pandemic removes primary food source.
-
A new Ebola outbreak was declared in Mbandaka, Congo, where no cases had been found since 2018.
-
The Murder Hornets from before retreat 15 miles south to get away from the Praying Mantises.
-
Police respond to those global protests against police brutality with more police brutality.
-
German anthropologist Adrian Zenz releases a report on mass sterilization programs being forced on Uighurs in China by command of the despotic Chinese Communist Party, something which has been occurring since at least 2014.
-
Global warming and corporate negligence causes 20,000 tonnes of diesel fuel to spill in Russia, turning Arctic river red.
-
First deadly clash in border dispute between India & China in over 40 years.
-
Biggest Saharan Dust Storm in 50 years stretches across the Atlantic to the Americas.
-
Swine flu with human pandemic potential found in China, source of the already active global pandemic COVID-19 from a few months prior.
-
Arctic Circle joins Antarctic Circle in setting new heat records this year, at 37.7 °C (100 °F).
July
-
Despotic Chinese Communist Party claims new controversial, oppressive and secretive Hong Kong National Security Law won’t limit freedoms, limits freedoms.
-
Unusually heavy monsoon rainfall and flooding displaces millions of people across Asia.
-
Grant Imahara, legendary Mythbuster and engineer, dies.
-
U.S. becomes new global hotspot of COVID-19 due to intentional Republican mismanagement and protests against wearing masks.
-
Scammers hack Twitter & post a Bitcoin scam from major accounts, stealing $110,000.
-
U.S. Passports become nearly worthless as COVID-19 restrictions begin to lift in countries capable of managing the virus but those same countries ban U.S. travelers.
-
Nine named storms have formed so far in the Atlantic Ocean. Five storms in total have hit the Gulf Coast, two of which were hurricanes.
August
-
2700 tonnes of ammonium nitrate explode in Beirut, Lebanon – killing hundreds, and injuring tens of thousands.
-
Mount Sinabung Volcano in Indonesia erupts twice in a 3 day timespan. Ash columns soar miles into the sky. Said ash and grit coat nearby villages in 2 inches of soot.
-
Oil spill threatens endangered rare flora and fauna near Mauritian reefs, might get worse.
-
Belarus elections lead to protests against state violence & censorship, are met with state violence & censorship.
-
Greenland’s ice sheet melting passes point of no return.
-
Iowa, US hit by deadly ‘Derecho’ storm with 169.93kph (100mph) winds which kills four, destroys half the state’s crops, and tears cities apart.
-
Two more hurricanes form and hit the Gulf Coast at the same time.
-
The Black Plague infects and kills the first Californian case in five years at Lake Tahoe amidst the COVID-19 pandemic.
-
U.S. Postal Service has new Postermaster, Louis DeJoy, installed by Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump. He proceeds to order dismantling and permanent destruction of multi-million, purpose-built letter-sorting machines and removal of mailboxes ahead of what is expected to be the largest mail-in voted election in history.
-
Massive Heat Dome builds over the continental U.S., sending temperatures for 90% of the population soaring past 32.2C (90F).
-
Death Valley, California sets new world record for highest temperature ever reliably recorded outside a disaster at 54C (130F).
-
Chadwick Boseman, well loved actor who played Black Panther in the Infinity Saga movies, loses fight against colon cancer.
-
In unusually unsubtle memo from the universe itself, an asteroid is detected heading for Earth. It will hit on or just before U.S. Election Day, November 3rd.
-
U.S. prison slave laborers too busy dying of rampant COVID-19 to suffer bodily harm fighting rampant forest fires.
September
-
Russian Opposition Leader Alexei Navalny poisoned with a Novichok nerve agent, one of a group of seven Soviet Union/Russian developed nerve agents.
-
Lake Tahoe in California puts up signs warning about that Black Plague from infected fleas.
-
Wildfires in California, Oregon and Washington State reach Emergency levels. The smoke extends eastward across half the U.S.
-
Northern California wildfire creates thunderstorm which ignites more wildfires.
-
The sky over Salem, Oregon turns blood red due to massive wildfires.
-
Nearly 900,000 people have died worldwide from COVID-19 and India’s cases surge.
-
Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump is exposed admitting on recorded audio to intentionally downplaying the threat of COVID-19.
-
That despotic government that rules China from before has completed nuclear testing.
-
Home Depot cancels Black Friday.
-
Two days after hitting 101F, Denver, Colorado nears freezing temperatures and goes on blizzard watch.
-
Chinese Communist Party, the despotic regime oppressing China, joins Russia, the country with elections where Vladimir Putin wins with more votes than voters, Belarus, the country with those protests against state violence and censorship, and Iran, a previous U.S.-backed aggressor in the Middle East, in military exercises.
-
The smoke from the West Coast of the US being on fire drops the air quality of multiple dozen million population cities to the worst, most toxic air in the world.
-
Whistleblower reveals alleged secret mass forced sterilization at U.S. ICE Detention Centers, the experimental concentration camps Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump created.
-
Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump declares he is creating a “patriotic education” commission, directly mirroring Nazi Germany’s Hitler Youth indoctrination program and taking a page from George Orwell’s 1984.
-
U.S. Federal Judge confirms that Lous DeJoy’s destruction of the USPS was indeed an intentional effort to disrupt upcoming elections and orders reversal nationwide.
-
Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, one of the most well known and progressive judges on the U.S. Supreme Court, loses her legendary fight against cancer.
-
Tropical Storm Paulette, which was previously dissipated, reforms as a Zombie Storm.
-
Internet Elder God Longcat dies after 18 years of memery.
-
Swarm of giant coconut crabs attacks campsite on remote island.
-
War erupts once more between Armenia and Azerbaijan, with military and civilian casualties in the hundreds.
-
During first Presidential Debate with Joe Biden, Impeached US President Donald Trump acts like a three year old and when asked to denounce white supremacist movement Proud Boys, tells them to “stand back and stand by”.
-
Widening crack discovered in the Moon’s surface as it begins to hatch.
October
-
Impeached US President Donald Trump, primary cause of the rapid and barely controlled spread of COVID-19 in the United States and spewer of misinformation and claimer of it being a Democratic Hoax, tests positive for COVID-19 mere days after losing a debate to Vice President Joe Biden. Joe Biden tests negative.
-
GOP celebration of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death which served as the superspreader event that infected Impeached US President Donald Trump infects the majority of the Republican Party leadership and earns #RoseGardenMassacre nickname. Also endangers GOP effort to elect hyper-conservative Justice Amy Coney Barrett to the US Supreme Court, which was the point of the event. In other news, 2020 begins ramping up its sense of irony.
-
Eddie Van Halen, the original guitar hero, dies to cancer.
-
Historic Hurricane Delta, the 25th named storm of the 2020 Atlantic Hurricane Season, hits Gult Coast of the US.
-
Thirteen right-wing white supremacist terrorists involved in the Proud Boys arrested and charged with a domestic terrorism plot to kidnap Michigan Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer in US.
-
Chinese Communist Party, the despotic regime oppressing China, responds to extended olive branch from Taiwan President Tsai Ing-wen by releasing footage of massive military exercises simulating an invasion of Taiwan.
-
Archeologists in Egypt open a sealed 2,600 year old Ancient Egyptian Sarcophagus.
-
Nigerian Army opens fire upon peaceful protestors in Lagos State, Nigeria, killing at least 12.
-
Man with van full of guns and ammunition arrested due to plotting to kill former Democratic Vice President Joe Biden in US. Oh, and also for all his child porn.
-
Security expert guesses Impeached US President Donald Trump’s Twitter password. His account was not protected by Two-Factor Authentication. His password was “maga2020!”.
-
7.0 magnitude earthquake hits off the Aegean Coast, decimating Turkey and Greece and killing 22 people.
-
On All Hallow’s Eve, beloved actor Sean Connery, the first James Bond, dies.
-
UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson ‘gives into scientific advisors’ and orders month-long lockdown of the entire UK.
-
On the same day as the country enters lockdown, a previously believed extinct species of giant spider, named the fox spider, discovered on UK Ministry of Defense training grounds.
November
-
November opens up with Tropical Storm Eta, tying the year for most active Hurricane Seasons in history.
-
2020 Hurricane Season becomes the most active in history with Hurricane Theta, the 29th storm to come out of the Atlantic this year.
-
Massive floods in Mexico force thousands from their homes.
-
The Chinese Communist Party, oppressive despotic government oppressing China and the ones who failed to contain COVID-19 in the first place, see COVID-19 flareups once more in areas previously thought safe. The country starts testing millions… again.
-
U.S. passes 250,000 dead and over 10 million active confirmed cases of COVID-19. The Republican-controlled Senate heads for the Thanksgiving Holiday without providing any relief to the nation stricken by their own actions.
-
The entire world passes 1.4 million dead and nears 60 million active cases.
-
U.S. States nearly unanimously impose new COVID-19 restrictions near the Thanksgiving Holiday as cases surge.
-
After an extended nearly four weeks of trying every legal option and straying towards illegal options in the book, Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump still refuses to admit defeat. He continues to claim fraud in the 2020 Presidential Election despite it being the most secure nationwide vote in American history.
-
Sleek, metallic monolith found in remote region of Utah, US desert.
-
The day before Thanksgiving Day in the U.S., mink carrying mutated strains of COVID-19 begin literally rising from their graves in Denmark. Calls to begin cremation of the mink erupt across the entire world.
-
Location of mysterious monolith in remote region of Utah, US desert discovered by the Internet.
-
Mysterious monolith from before goes missing only 10 days after being discovered, rude message left behind.
-
Darth Vader dies of COVID-19.
December
-
On the first day of the last month of this hellscape, the previously damaged Arecibo Observatory Telescope collapses when a cable fails well below its tolerances. The multiple million dollar scientific marvel plunges to the massive dish below, permanently ending an era in space exploration.
-
The panic by the uneducated and ignorant about 5G wireless technology prompts some manufacturers to begin selling Faraday cages for home routers.
-
Another mysterious metallic monolith similar to the one in Utah, US appears in Romania.
-
That monolith in Romania disappears just 2 days after the one in Utah, US.
-
Adolf Hitler wins election in Namibia, a former German colony, in a landslide with 85% of the vote. Yes, really.
-
Water begins trade upon the global stock market as fears of possible future scarcity begin to rise.
-
Venice, Italy floods when new and extremely expensive dam designed to prevent floods fails to activate.
-
The Republican Party of the U.S. commits sedition by signing onto Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump’s meritless lawsuit to overturn President Elect Joe Biden’s win.
-
Mystery illness erupts in India, putting over 300 people in hospitals with epilepsy symptoms. COVID-19 pandemic is still active.
-
Bad Sex Awards cancelled due to the hellscape that 2020 has been.
-
Former Israeli space security chief declares Earth has been in contact with an alien Galactic Federation, that they’re waiting for us to figure out “the fabric of the universe”, and that Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump knows about it.
-
Zodiac Killer’s cipher solved by amateur codebreaking team after over 50 years.
-
MAGA Marchers and Poor Boy terrorists descend on Washington D.C., U.S. in support of Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump’s attempted coup. They burn BLM signs at churches, assault civilians with melee weapons, and vandalize historic African American church.
-
Russia rolls out dangerous and barely tested Sputnik-V COVID-19 vaccine.
-
Hundreds of thousands of people lose everything they own and are displaced as Sudan receives record-breaking flash floods.
-
Greece’s largest migrant aid camp on the island of Lesbos burned down, leaving 13,000 people without shelter.
-
Gunmen attack a secondary school in Kankara, a town in norther Nigera’s Katsina state. Over 300 boys still missing after being abducted.
-
China begins using flamethrower-equipped drones to wipe out wasp nests.
-
A massive, widespread cyberattack on worldwide Internet systems is launched by Russia. Google systems fail across the entire world, leaving billions without GMail, YouTube, and Google Maps, among others. Attack also specifically targets Orion, an IT monitoring system used by hundreds of thousands of organizations around the world, causing slowdowns and errors in nearly every major Internet-connected product. U.S. Treasury and Commerce Departments compromised. White House providers also likely affected.
-
PornHub purges all content from Unverified uploaders from the platform after US GOP pressure on payment processors causes MasterCard to drop the platform. Millions of voices cry out in horror and are suddenly silenced.
-
2020’s true face is shown as Aurora Borealis and power poles interact to reveal the glowing Abrahamic Crosses peppering the world.
-
On Decmber 21st, the Winter Solstice, Jupiter and Saturn align for the first time since the Middle Ages and form a “Christmas Star”.
-
The Kilauea Volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii, US undergoes abnormally large eruption.
-
COVID-19 cases are recorded in Antarctica for the first time.
Everything after this point occurs during the last week of 2020.
-
Giant Fireball which is probably a meteor streaks across the sky of China.
-
It is discovered that some people are having orgasms from COVID-19 nose swabs.
-
Syrian refugee camp burned to the ground in Lebanon after a fight over pay with refugee employers.
-
Largest iceberg in the world closes in on impacting San Pedro Island.
Everything after this point occurs during just the last two days of 2020, as the year of hell runs out of screentime and has to pack apocalypses in back to back to finish the season off.
-
Radiation levels at the devastated Fukushima nuclear power plant in Japan found to be far higher than previously believed.
-
Explosion from Houthi rebel ballistic missiles fired at Aden, Yemen airport kills 25 and wounds over 100. The newly formed Yemeni Cabinet had only recently landed.
-
Two previously decades-long dormant volcanoes in the Martinique, St. Vincent, and Grenadines Islands awake, causing the island’s over 100,000 strong population to prep for mass evacuation.
-
Pope Francis unable to attend New Year’s ceremonies at The Vatican due to back pain.
-
Extinct Woolly Rhinoceros found frozen in Siberian permafrost.
-
United Kingdom finalizes Brexit and officially leaves the European Union.
-
New, rapidly developing and fatal skin disease found in dolphins which are exposed to freshwater due to climate change.
-
U.S. flies two B-52 bombers to the Middle East as a threatening pretext under orders from Impeached President Donald Trump.
-
Ethiopian goat farmer, known as a symbol of migrant integration in Italy, is killed on her goat cheese farm.
-
Nurse in India removes PPE suit to have sex with COVID-19 patient in hospital toilet, brags about it on social media, and is consequently suspended. Yes, REALLY.
-
Iran notices the massive B-52s and calls Impeached US President Donald Trump’s on his desperate attempt to start a war to remain in office.
-
Historic Hindu temple in Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa’s Karak district vandalized by protestors angry at renovations being conducted at an adjoining building. Yes, really.
-
Information discovered which shows SolarWinds hackers managed to overcome Microsoft’s security and access some of its source code repositories.
-
The Vatican denies knowledge of almost $1.8 billion US dollars worth of monetary transfers which have been sent from Rome to Australia in the past 7 years.
-
Landslide in Norway injures the 10 people living in the country and reveals rumors of 11 more possible previously undiscovered citizens going missing.
-
Security firms find suspicious object which appears to be a naval limpet mine attached to an Iraqi tanker in the Persian Gulf.
-
Indonesian fisherman finds Chinese Sea Wing unmanned drone submarine on likely covert scouting mission on strategic naval route from North Taiwan Sea to Australia.
The End?
NOPE!
2020 RENEWED FOR A MOVIE, GOES INTO OVERTIME!!!
2020 Overtime Edition! OH GODS WHY IS IT STILL GOING?!
-
The Chinese city of Wuhan, the origin of COVID-19, sees massive crowds surge into the city to celebrate the New Year.
-
London hospitals plead for additional staff as new COVID-19 variant rings in the New Year by spreading like wildfire.
-
Impeached US President Donald Trump incites a violent armed insurrection into the Capitol Building on the day Congress is to count the electoral college votes. The insurrectionist mob breaks into the building and searches it floor by floor. During this, Democratic members of Congress (and Vice President Mike Pence) are targeted for execution by the MAGA cultists, QAnon cultists, white supremacists, and Poor Boys. Thankfully, the insurrection and attempted coup fails, despite active interference and assistance from seditious Republicans, Impeached US President Donald Trump and his loyalists in the Pentagon shutting down efforts to bring in the DC, Maryland and Virginia National Guard, and some members of the Capitol Police.
-
Twice Impeached US President Donald Trump gets his name in the history books as the first US President to be impeached twice, joining his world record for the number of separate times losing the race in a single election.
The Good Things Ha… haha…
-
-
In March, the most ambitious project in any game ever, BUILD THE EARTH, begins. The entire planet, every building, every road, every structure, at a 1:1 scale.
-
In August, an extinct species of large blue butterfly is successfully reintroduced to the UK.
-
In August, Wild Polio is eradicated from Africa, a huge victory in the fight against the horrible disease.
-
In September, scientists around the world finally get high-resolution video footage of Sol’s anus.
-
In September, the founder of Jelly Belly begins a Willy Wonka-esque Golden Ticket Treasure Hunt for the ownership of one of his factories.
-
In September, Afghanistan and the Taliban begin their first-ever direct peace talks in Qatar.
-
In September, Kim Jong-Un, the authoritarian dictator of North Korea, personally apologizes to South Korea for the killing of a South Korean official by North Korean border forces.
-
In October, Humanity breaks Entropy and the laws of Thermodynamics themselves when physicists at the University of Arkansas, U.S. successfully develop and test a circuit which produces energy from graphene’s thermal motion, something thought to be flatly impossible.
-
In October, LGBT community takes over Proud Boys moniker from white supremacists and right wing terrorists less than a week after Impeached US President Donald Trump told them to “stand back and stand by”.
-
In October, Pope Francis endorses laws that allow same-sex couples to get married.
-
In October, Tainwan President Tsai Ing-wen extends olive branch to Chinese Communist Party, the despotic regime oppressing China.
-
In October, Bob Murray, U.S. Coal Magnate and denier of climate change and healthcare for his coal miners, dies of Black Lung Disease. John Oliver gets the last laugh.
-
In November, after an extended period of vote counting and multiple tossed lawsuits from Impeached US President Donald Trump, Former Vice President, now President-Elect, Joe Biden wins the 2020 US Presidential Election with the most votes ever cast for any US President in history. And for one day, 2020 is at peace. The entire world, bar authoritarian countries, celebrates the defeat of fascism in America.
-
In November, Two vaccines from U.S. medical companies Pfizer and Moderna show above 94% success rate in mass testing, raising hope that COVID-19 is nearing its end. Many other vaccines like those from Oxford and AstraZeneca also show above 90% success rate.
-
In November, Mexican Navy adopts dog rescued in viral video from massive Mexico floods to their Search and Rescue teams.
-
In November, U.S. Stock Market DOW rises above 30,000 points, a milestone never seen in history, based on incoming Biden Administration and promising COVID-19 vaccines.
-
In November, Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump appointed General Services Administration leader Emily Murphy finally approves the Biden Administration transition when the writing on the wall gains a neon sign after Michigan, Georgia and Pennsylvania certify their recounts.
-
In November, Purdue Pharmaceuticals pleads guilty to being responsible for the U.S. and overall worldwide opioid epidemic in the middle of their bankruptcy settlement. Initial plans are to turn the multinational corporation into a public benefit corporation which will address the very epidemic they caused.
-
At the end of November, the “Sistine Chapel of the Ancients”, a prehistoric rock wall of great significance, is discovered.
-
In December, it becomes clear that the Paris Climate Accord is working despite U.S. refusal under Impeached U.S. President Donald Trump. In a period of 5 years, the world has turned back the doomsday of global warming from absolutely apocalyptic 3.6C (6.5F) down to merely catastrophic 2.9C (5.2) projected warming. Scientists are, for once, optimistic in the face of the looming disaster to end all disasters.
-
In December, it’s finally revealed that back in 2008, legendary Star Trek actor James Doohan (Scotty Montgomery) got his desired resting place among the stars due to an astronaut smuggling his ashes up to the International Space Station, where they remain to this day.
-
In December, a madman named Ethan successfully Rickrolls the official YouTube account on Twitter.
-
In December, Italy begins project to rebuild the Colosseum’s floor to restore it to its original glory.
-
At the end of December, the World Health Organization approves the Pfizer vaccine for worldwide emergency use.
-