I’m going to rant about questions for a bit.
Specifically, the question “Can I ask you a question?”, and it’s derivatives “May I ask you a question?” or “Do you have a moment?”. See also saying someone’s name before asking a question of them.
[rant]
These are the most aggravating questions I’ve ever come across. They seem explicitly designed to make sure a person’s attention is entirely on the person asking. They are manipulative, pure and simple.
Why?
Firstly, they are a waste of time. Usually, in the time that question is asked and answered, the original question could be as well.
Secondly, because they don’t deliver the severity of the following question, query, or conversation. It could be anything as benign as “What did you have for breakfast?” to “Can you take me to the hospital? My leg just got cut off.” They initiate a panic in one’s mind about what might be going on, inserting uncertainty into a conversation.
And for someone who’s busy most of the time with various projects, a lot of which are for the very people who ask these questions, demanding that kind of focus is ridiculous, and I’d argue even inconsiderate.
I present two scenarios, one with the aggravating questions and one without. Person B is in the middle of a project, possibly writing code, with lots of things on their mind. Person A comes in to their workspace and is acknowledged as being there.
“speech”
*thoughts*
(actions)
Scenario A:
Person A:
(knocks on wall of workspace)
“Can I ask you a question?”
Person B:
*I’m busy. How important is it? Crap, I have no idea. Guess I have to tear my mind away from this important thing and pay complete attention. Ugh, and I was -this- close to a breakthrough!*
(turns away from computer or workbench, placing complete attention on Person A. Important work is no longer in their conscious mind)
“I guess. It’s not like I was doing anything important. What is it?”
Person A:
“What’s a URL bar?”
Person B:
(eye twitches)
Scenario B:
Person A:
(knocks on wall of workspace)
“What’s a URL bar?”
Person B:
*Hmm… this line goes here, reference this object… Oh wait, Person A just asked me something… URL Bar? Easy. No need to dedicate anything more than a drop of attention.*
(continues working, but answers the question without a glance)
“The URL bar is the white bar at the top of your browser window.”
Person A:
“Oh. Thanks!”
(Walks out, satisfied)
Right, so. Obviously the first scenario is extremely disruptive, while the second allows workflow to continue unabated. Sure, attention may not be given to Person A, but it’s a simple question that DOES NOT REQUIRE BEING CONSIDERATE. If the question had actually been something important, like a medical problem or an actual issue, then Person B would have given the attention necessary, stopping their work because the issue is IMPORTANT.
Scenario B is how to be considerate to someone. Ask them the question and let them decide if it’s worth their attention, instead of expecting them to give you their undivided attention no matter how important your question may be to you.
And yes. This happens to me a lot. It’s why I will eventually tear you a new rear hole about this if you do it, and we get to know each other as friends. Humans have done this since time immemorial, and I’m sick of it.
Please. Stop.
[/rant]